Through the years of coaching professionals and regular people certain conversations have brought forward a consistent thread of assumptions. Most people want purpose and peace in life. I think these two “essentials” could be the answer for all of the world. But, this is not an article on world peace. Of course, people want all kinds of other things too, like wealth, fame, power, and beauty. Some of the populace like attention, some want to hide from crowds and others just want to be left alone. Few want to be ignored, even less want to be forgotten and enough to mention want to change the world. Consistently though, people need a purpose and existential peace in their lives.
Purpose
My personal testimony reflects clear purpose. There are not many moments in my life, since around nineteen years of age, that I have not worked and lived towards a prevailing purpose. Purpose can fly high and can function as boots on the ground to a profound lifestyle. For me, purpose has segments and subsets, but it drives me, compels me to pause and ask questions at every important juncture of life. Life’s twists and turns may leave us with unclear choices. A clearly defined purpose; the reason you believe you are “on the planet,” shoves us forward in life and work.
According to dictionary.com: purpose means:
The reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, or an intended or a desired result; an end; an aim, or a goal. This includes, determination and resoluteness. As a verb (purpose) is used with an object, [I.e. I purposed or I am purposing to do something.]
Also, it means to set as an aim, an intention, or a goal for oneself, to intend or design. Also, as a verb used without an object, [I.e. I purposed or I am purposing to do something.]
One could say, “To have a purpose is the driver for my intentional lifestyle.”
Is there an existential understanding of human purpose? Do all humans need a purpose?
Existential means, as a reminder,:
In the adjective form it means – of or relating to existence, or, relating to, or characteristic of philosophical existentialism. In other words, something that is related to or concerned with the nature of human existence, as determined by the individual’s freely made choices.
So, then, my understanding of these definitions is that purpose is an essential part of human existence, life balance and holistic health. When upon examination of “why” people seem to derail good marriages, good jobs and preferred futures, it seems, many times, it is because of unclear purpose or a lack of purpose. Of course, for you absolute thinkers out there, lack of clarity of purpose is not the reason for ALL of the above mentioned derailments. Purpose though, is elusive. Purpose can be cagey, slippery and down right indefinable. I have found that it lurks at the edges of a tactical, task-oriented, get-it-done lifestyle. If “it” was easy to discover most of my coaching clients, family members and close friends would not need most conversations that I enjoy! Purpose has to be an “invited guest” welcomed into one’s transformational thinking. Purpose will not intrude on your busy lifestyle. For instance, if you are working to make more, buying to get more and loving to control more you probably are not inviting “purpose” to the table for a deep conversation.
One of my friends was just living life (not going to mention his name) working hard into his late thirties in a telecom company. He felt that his “purpose” was to share his faith in Africa with people who needed all types of help: (1) education, (2) general essentials of life, (3) housing, (4) spiritual needs and (5) Christian ministry. He and his wife, who was also in an industry, and, also sensed the call to a greater purpose. This “purpose” drove them to graduate school to be trained, departed for Africa, entered language school there to better communicate with the indigenous people. After some years, they came back to the States for furlough, then, sensed the need to go to Thailand, trained again, learned another language and spent many years there, helping in the same ways as they did in Africa. The only explanation: they found their purpose and their purpose drove them to these countries. In their case, it was their Christianity, in your case, other things may drive you to a prevailing purpose. I say, “Let ‘it’ drive you!”
Purpose is strong motivator. Purpose clears our cluttered viewpoints and cloudy motivations. It blows so hard that it can clean the undecided particles right out of our foggy minds. Purpose is as powerful as love, hate and as our most intimate relationships can be. Purpose, when well-defined and passionately adopted, is a powerful driver for behaviors. Carl Jung said, “As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existence is to kindle a light in the darkness of mere being.”
Peace
Peace is an idea that pertains to societal friendship and harmony in the absence of hostility and violence. (By example, it is the opposite of the America we now live in*.) In a social sense, peace is commonly used to mean a lack of conflict (such as war and political or economical war) and freedom from fear of violence between individuals, groups and now, ideas. (Derived from Wikipedia)
*This is my opinion an addition to this generic definition.
Chris Ebbert, a Senior Lecturer in industrial design at Mid Sweden University said this about the connection between peace and purpose. (From quora.com)
“For me, peace and purpose are prerequisites for each other. Peace comes when you have a purpose, and purpose requires peace. To bring the two together in one overarching construct, the word ‘dispensation’ comes to my mind. Like a shop. It’s the most peaceful thing I can imagine. A place where those in need get what they require, and it’s always there, open at certain times, dispensing a defined range of goods. To have peace and purpose, (is) like a little shop.”
On psychcentral.com site I discovered this useful list.
You can find peace of mind by:
- Accepting what can’t be controlled.
- Forgiving yourself and others
- Staying focused on the here and now
- Going within
- Journaling your thoughts and emotions
- Connecting to Mother Earth*
*I believe in a Creator God.
The Bible says this in the New Testament, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” (Reference – Philippians 4:7) The Apostle Paul, the author of the book of Philippians referenced, faced many, many hardships, incarcerations, slander, beatings and even a shipwreck. Paul’s life story is interesting to note as one reads that verse. (I challenge you to read about the Apostle Paul’s life.) Not everyone who is reading this will agree that the Bible is a spiritual book nor will all readers have faith in God. It is noteworthy to consider, however, that peace may indeed emerge in our lives and hearts from some place other than our external circumstances and even our ability to think about peace. Inner peace is important no matter where you live, work, or your external circumstances may dictate.
Internal peace is important to holistic health and life balance. Inner peace, or being comfortable in who we are, where we are, what we are doing and why we are doing it is essential to living on purpose. So, I do believe that purpose and peace are connected. Peace transcends the dictates of social, political and even generational assumptions. My purpose in this article is not to persuade but to point you to a discovery process for yourself. How do you find purpose and peace for yourself? There are many avenues to holistic health, so, another idea will not change the landscape of the thought leadership on this topic very much. But, here is a useful process to frame your thinking. Answer these questions:
- Who am I? – Who is defined as, your persona or personhood. Who are you, really? Who do you want to become? – Peace begins to come to you when you can identify this part of your existence.
- Where am I? – Where is defined as, in or what place, as in your location geographically. Also, where is defined as, in what position or circumstance, as in a particular “state of being” or in a “cycle of time.” – Inner peace is a place for you that is comfortable and your position or circumstance, or your “state of being” is true and real.
- What am I doing? – What is defined as, the true nature or identity of someone or the character or occupation of someone. What could mean that you are doing something that is useful, or useless. It could simply mean I am doing what I love, or what I hate. We have all met someone who was doing a menial job but loved every minute of it.
- Why am I doing what I am doing? – Why can mean, for what reason, cause or purpose I am doing something. – Peace is influenced by the reason, fitted or ill-fitted, of “why” you are doing what you are doing. My discovery has been that the “why” someone is doing something is as important as the “who” I am answer.
Although my childhood years were well-lived with loving parents and many, many opportunities to succeed (not privileged but ordained – in my opinion), my development still required a discovery of purpose and peace on my own. It was an individual discovery. It was personal, not a group discovery. We can find both purpose and peace in spite of our formative blessings or early stage challenges. Influences can be helpful or harmful, but I found that finding purpose and later peace, was personal. The discovery and taking in of influences culminated in my choice, my realization that THIS is MY purpose.
The discovery of purpose took a while; approximately nineteen years into my life. Peace, I searched for much earlier on. I remember in kindergarten not enjoying certain childhood disagreements on the playground. Although I cannot remember the little children involved (I was only 4 or 5) but I remember that arguing and fighting made me withdraw and sometimes play alone. This reflection of remembrance is that my young pursuit of peace was intentional. The need for internal peacefulness is gravitational and pulls us to make certain, sometimes vivid, choices. Again, I realized around middle school that I was somewhat shy. (My friends and family now will laugh at that statement.) But, I discovered that I could come out of my shyness, be funny, act up and then retreat into solitude easily. Behavioral overload came quickly when trying to manage many human reactions at a time, and I still cannot seem to sustain people “issues” too long without needing a break. Solitude is my remedy and I find peace there.
In closing, we should recall how Emotional Intelligence assists our pursuit of peace and then purpose. Emotional intelligence is all about understanding who we are, how we are feeling and what we believe about ourselves. With Emotional Intelligence, we can dissolve the thoughts, feelings, beliefs and behaviors that hold us back. Through the healthy lens of self-awareness we see ourselves as we are and then discover our framework for existing in peace. Self-awareness must then give a place for self-managing. When we know our strengths, limitations and struggles, then, we can better manage ourselves. This should lead us to a social awareness or an awareness about others and their needs. Social awareness then gives us a platform to manage our relationships. Peace is better found with this awareness. I have discovered that purpose is easier to “see” and embrace if we are personally and socially aware and managing relationships more healthily. Purpose becomes uncluttered and clearer away from the “white noise” of personal and social dysfunction.
How we perceive ourselves in the world is central to how we define our purpose in life. In the early years of our development, we try our hardest to make sense of our world. Purpose may emerge from peaceful personal awareness; being comfortable in our own skin. Purpose may appear because of challenges; the “battle of life” and overcoming hardships. I have found that purpose is a driver; it drives hope, accomplishment, self-satisfaction and social awareness. We can connect with others through purpose. This helps us remember that we are tribal beings. That we work best when collaborating and supporting each other. It is a “space” of interconnecting and a “place” to be our very best. From there our purpose is more obvious. We simply want to contribute and bring value to the world which wakes us up to our most beautiful self.
Being purposeful opens the door to personal peace. And, personal peace opens the door to a more colorful purpose. Although we are all different, we may share igniters to purpose and peace. What I mean is this: certain “states of being” may bring about peace and purposeful living. Igniters are those specific “states of being” that spark change and the pursuit of peace and purposeful living. For me, it is found within the five areas of consideration listed below. I have used these five areas in my one-on-one coaching and in training professionals to find ways to better stay centered in their attempts at holistic living. The five areas are:
- The “state of being” that includes – Our Personal Life Calling
- The “state of being” that includes – Our Contentment
- The ‘state of being” that includes – Our Character
- The “state of being” that includes – Our Personal Crafting
- The “state of being” that includes – Our Coaching
In summary, no matter how one frames it, we find purpose and peace when we understand (1) our calling. Although this may seem solely a religious or spiritual framework, calling is that “thing” or that “it” that one believes they are on the planet to do or be. Calling launches us forward even when we are facing struggles or barriers to life’s perfect plan and purpose. I have concluded that (2) contentment is assured when we know our calling of purpose, which necessitates peace. Contentment secures us to our calling of purpose. Or, knowing our calling helps keep us contented. Next, my opinion is that (3) character is the glue that holds us to contentment and calling. When we are aware that good character is important to life-purpose, even in everyday decisions, we live more holistically; we live more balanced. I have found that (4) crafting, or, personal and professional development is key to peaceful living and extending our purpose. How? Hope is important to extending a peace-filled lifestyle. Lifelong learning clarifies and strengthens purpose in a place of hopeful learning. And, finally, my opinion is (5) coaching is key to living a life of peaceful purpose. I have found that being a coach is personally replenishing and having a coach is key to self-development. Both sides of coaching sharpen my mind and provide understanding to life in general. When we coach others we learn; we learn from our preparation and from the one we coach. When we are open to be coached, we are opening ourselves to vulnerable opportunities in the coaching conversations.
Life’s dual essentials, purpose and peace, are foundational to holistic living. Life-balance requires more than a glance at the two. A long gaze at the two, including a discovery process of each, may bring you a solid foundation to begin a life of balance, holistic living and peaceful purpose. There are many quotes to choose from on this topic of purpose and peace, but I will end this article on this one:
“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Contact me: DrTrove@troveinc.com
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